I missed running.

It’s one of those things that you don’t realise that you missed until you just go and participate again. The wind in your hair, the steady beat of your footfalls against the pavement, the feeling of flying- I must admit that I’m slightly addicted.

It doesn’t really matter what speed I’m going at either. I can feel free at the pace of a snail or at full capacity. It just allows me to be joyful.

I’ve never really thought about movement being an activity that gives me joy before. It’s just been a necessity. You have to walk to school, you have to run in PE, you have to get from one room to another. But when it’s free (even if you’re going someplace specific) and you have time to yourself, that’s when it’s fun. You can dawdle as you like, you can speed walk without people telling you off, you can take in everything that is around you and clear the cobwebs from your previous thoughts. There’s a simple joy in it that makes it difficult to ignore.

Think about pushing past your previous record in running, think about finally mastering that cartwheel, think about having the strength to haul yourself onto a wall. Think of climbing the highest tree that you can find, think about trying to mastering skidding without falling (all good practice for your ‘slipping on a banana’ performance), think about being able to finally score in netball. Think about reaching for the sky on a trampoline, think about zip lining from the highest point that you can think of, think about your lungs burning and your legs aching and your chest hurting and you pushing through that because you can do it and yes you can and. You’ve done it.

There is a simple joy in movement.

That’s why it would be impossible to narrow joy down into 1000 things- there is too much in each category, not too little. If you put ‘family’, ‘friends’, ‘animals’, sure, you might seem to run out. But there is so much more, the simple joy of having a dog lick your face, the simple joy of a horse pulling up a zipper. There is so much joy in the world around us that we do not notice, so much joy that I could be here all day talking about the joy that I experience. That you experience.

So much joy that I don’t think even a million notebooks would be enough.

And It Doesn’t Really Matter…

But it kind of does, but you’ll think I’m stupid. You know, I think I’ll go do something else…

That is kind of what I spend my life doing. I tend to be controlled by what people think of me, tend to spend a lot of time trying to impress and my whole existence seems worthless. WORTHLESS.

Humans were NOT created to spend their time trying to impress others- in fact, I found a link here that showed a theory of why we might spend time trying to impress other and why we shouldn’t.

It’s not like I hate other people- in fact, I quite enjoy company at certain times of the day. But do you ever get the feeling that everyone else in the room is judging you when your logical brain knows that they’re not?

We spend so much of our lives trying to impress others or being scared of them. I don’t want to drop my maths level because then people will think I’m lazy, I don’t want to talk to this person because she’ll think I’m crazy…

It’s good to be crazy, good to not limit yourself when you’re talking to others. It starts to affect all areas of your life, starts to affect your development and the way you think. And while I agree with the article about most thing, I don’t think it’s quite that easy to let go of things that people have said or what you’ve done. It is natural to think about it sometimes.

If I was trying to beat it? I would ask your friends to stop reacting to anything that you say. It may seem a bit extreme (and may lower self confidence if they aren’t excited when you want them to be) and it may not work. I would do it though because it’s one way of stopping thinking that the whole world revolves around you. No one really wants to know what horse I rode (I rode Pedro peoples, thanks for asking) or much about my day to day life. Maybe a few close people would want to know something exciting but you want to know something I’ve found? When your excited, often other people won’t be. I’ve been in situations where no one has even pretended to care about my situation even when I’ve spent weeks trying to do it.

For this reason, and probably this reason only, the method might work for me. I have no idea what your situation is and it might not work for you- maybe finding a group of non-conformist friends or just doing some exercises by yourself. Whatever helps you tune into what you want to be like- not what you want to appear like to everyone else in the world. And one day we can all have a non-conformist society maybe?

Do you seem to have the problem that I do? Are you going to try and combat it?